Bella Update

I have been trying to stay off my computer a LOT more in honor of Lent, but just wanted to thank you all for your prayers regarding Bella, and to let you know what we learned.Bella had her bi-annual clinic at Lucille Packard Children's Hospital (LPCH). When we go down twice a year for this clinic, we are asked to set aside an entire week for any clinics, labs, hospital stays as needed. Bella was due for a biopsy, so we were aware that we very well could end up admitted.Clinic turned out to be better than we could have imagined. The Nephrology Team was very pleasantly surprised with Bella's lab results, how she looked, and all the benchmarks she has hit. It is one of the very few places in life where one is happy to hear "we are so glad we have not seen you here much!". Our social worker told us how rare it is that we have not spent a LOT more time in the hospital.

One very positive outcome of our clinic is that Bella gets to go to every six weeks for blood draws instead of every four. This is HUGE as she has very weak veins and blood draws have to come from her hand (below her knuckle) instead of her arm. They are very painful for her and her hand is very sore afterward.Another positive outcome is that a biopsy has been delayed indefinitely.

There are still some areas of concern. Her blood pressure is low We will be monitoring this more closely than before. It is very stressful on her little five-year-old heart to pump blood to and from an adult kidney.

We are also entering a more common season for rejection. Parents and kids can get more laid back about the intake of fluids, and we need to be very diligent about this in order to avoid those early stages of kidney rejection. Bella cannot go anywhere without a water bottle in tow.

We were reminded by the team that Bella will go into rejection at some point in her life, and to take those early warning signs seriously. We were reminded again of how susceptible she is to certain types of cancer, such as skin cancer, and others I honestly can't remember at the moment.

We learned interesting things. For example, Bella needs to always have a bike with very wide handle bars so that when they are turned sideways, they go around her torso and do not directly lead to to an impact with her kidney (which is now in front - instead of the back - of her stomach). Who knew?!?

So, thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Thank you for the support you have given our family.

Haiti

is breaking my heart.

I cannot stop thinking about it.

I find myself in prayer often throughout the day...especially on behalf of the orphans.

I have friends who are on their way there now, or are already on the ground. I have friends of friends bringing their sons and daughters home from Haiti.

What more can I say?

I keep coming back to Jeremiah 31:13b

"I will turn their mourning into gladness;
I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow."

Montage of Abeni's 1st Birthday

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Abeni's 1st Birthday Party

Yesterday was Abeni's First Birthday party.

What a great time we had! The house was filled with beautiful Ethiopian children, amazing parents and siblings, and amazing friends who have been a support through this journey.

At one point I just stopped and watched all that was going on around me. I, for once, did not feel teary-eyed. i just felt so filled with joy and that rare but wonderful state of contentment.

I looked at the man whom I married - a man who is brave, courageous, loves me and our girls so unconditionally, a man who has stuck with me. This man is one who has never once made me feel guilty that I could not give him more children. This is a man who never questioned for ONE moment whether or not to give his daughter his kidney - even knowing it was life-threatening for him. This is a man who was willing to put his heart out there for a baby he had never met, and now is totally in love.

I watched Bella as she played with her three girlfriends. I watched her help her little sister open gifts. I watched her love being a hostess and making sure all the kids felt welcome and cared for. This thriving, beautiful, smart girl with a compassionate heart was not supposed to live past the age of five.

And I watched Abeni. This beautiful gift who I am convinced has traits like me! This baby girl loving all the attention, already fighting with her BFF over toys, and giving hugs and snuggles to whomever is available to receive one.

How is it possible?

How does one reconcile so much grief in one's lifetime and so much joy at the same time?

I do not have the answer to this.

But I will say - I could not have come this far on my life's journey without God. I know how that sounds - I know it can be such a cliche. I know when I have read statements like that, I have rolled my eyes, too.

Please hear me - I am not saying that I am thankful to God for how He has "blessed" me with my daughters and my husband, although I certainly am.

I am thankful to God for how He has "blessed" me by allowing hardship and grief so that He could knock my socks off by showing me who He REALLY is...His character, the immense freedom I have in knowing Him, and how much He loves me.

And this is why I do not like the words "blessed" and "blessing" because we only use them when something that we and the world perceive as good happens. So much of life's blessings do NOT happen in these moments - they happen in the grievous ones when we are on our knees.

So, as I enjoy my family and its completion, my heart is full and I am enjoying the sweet ride of contentment right here. Right now.

My Montage 1/5/10 at OneTrueMedia.com

Merry Christmas!

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Blog about Blogging

I am trying to reconcile myself with this whole blogging thing. I am conflicted. There are a couple of blogs I love to read - they are compelling, challenging, and they stretch me. I look forward to them. They are by people who have been given the gift of writing and speaking. They really excel at it.

Then there is a blog like ours. A family blog. A stay-at-home mom writes it.

And there you go.

I know, I know.

Writing is cathartic.

Writing is a form of self-expression.

But why do I feel a need to "put it out there" on a blog instead of just pulling out my beautiful journal from Barnes and Noble that is not subject to public comsumption?

Is it a need to be heard?

Is it self-inflated, self-involved?

Is it taking the place of actual face-to-face conversations?

I do not have the answer to this, and for now, I am going to continue to write and share my life with you.

And if I ever feel I can answer any of those aforementioned questions in the absolute affirmative,
well then,

Adios, blog.

Legact of an Adopted Child

Legacy of An Adopted Child

Author Unknown

Once there were two women,

Who barely knew each other.

One is in your heart forever,

The other you’ll call mother.

Two different lives,

Shaped to make yours one.

One became your guiding star,

The other became your sun.

The first gave you life,

And the second taught you how to live it.

The first gave you a need for love,

And the second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality,

The other gave you a name.
One gave you the seed of talent,

The other gave you an aim.

One gave you emotions,

The other calmed your fears.

One saw your first sweet smile,

The other dried your tears.

One gave you a family,

It was what God intended for her to do.

The other prayed for a child,

And God led her straight to you.

And now you ask me

Through your tears,

The age old question through the years.

Heredity or environment…

Which are you a product of?

Neither, my darling… neither,

Just two different kinds of love.