Referral...

So, this morning we woke up to a call from CHI. Sharon told me to sit down. Man, my heart was RACING and I felt dizzy. She proceeded to tell us they had a 7 week old baby boy for us.

Wait. What? Oh no.

It turns out our social worker never indicated gender on our home study, thus, they called us with the first baby that met our criterion.

Now, some of you are probably thrilled to hear this and may be shocked to hear that we turned down this referral.

Wait. What? Why?

I am not sure I can explain it in a way that will make sense. All I can say is that both Martin and I were in agreement this morning that we have felt God's absolute confirmation over and over again that Abeni Joy will be our daughter. I am not sure how else to explain it. It's a God thing.

But let me tell you why this phone call brings us great joy. It means we are CLOSE. We are very, very close. Also, Martin said when the call came in this morning, his hear was leaping for joy, as was mine.

I have to say, as of last week after receiving some news that there are huge delays in Ethiopian adoptions and court dates, Martin and I were about 75% sure we were going to give up this whole adoption thing. If for no other reason, this phone call was God's way of saying to us: "Oh no you don't!!". We know that we are not done with this adoption journey - even though the waiting is nearly killing us.

As we head into Christmas, I am really clinging to Mary and how she must have felt as a mother. Her motherhood must have looked NOTHING like she anticipated for her life -pregnant and not yet married, having a baby in a stable, giving birth to God's son, being hunted down by Herod, knowing that this son was hers and yet not, having to give him up and watch him die on the cross.

And yet, never once do you hear of Mary complaining or being anything other than overjoyed knowing that her son is the world's Savior.

Pretty amazing.

Merry Christmas!

So....where to begin, where to begin. Well, we are now #11 on the list. And as CHI closes for TWO WEEKS for Christmas, it does not look like a referral could possibly happen until the end of January, which means no travel to get a baby until March.

So, Martin and I are taking some time to rethink things. We are devastated, grieving, and really do not understand why it has taken over 8 years to try and grow a family. We have experienced so much.

We know in life that at some point, every person carries a burden with them. Ours may be that we cannot have any more children.

It may be hard for most people to understand why we would not just push through - and not to be rude, but I think if you have not been down a similar road, it is hard to understand.

But for now, we are going to concentrate on enjoying Christmas, maybe have some tough conversations with God along the way, but we are certainly looking forward to celebrating the birth of Christ.