Referral...

So, this morning we woke up to a call from CHI. Sharon told me to sit down. Man, my heart was RACING and I felt dizzy. She proceeded to tell us they had a 7 week old baby boy for us.

Wait. What? Oh no.

It turns out our social worker never indicated gender on our home study, thus, they called us with the first baby that met our criterion.

Now, some of you are probably thrilled to hear this and may be shocked to hear that we turned down this referral.

Wait. What? Why?

I am not sure I can explain it in a way that will make sense. All I can say is that both Martin and I were in agreement this morning that we have felt God's absolute confirmation over and over again that Abeni Joy will be our daughter. I am not sure how else to explain it. It's a God thing.

But let me tell you why this phone call brings us great joy. It means we are CLOSE. We are very, very close. Also, Martin said when the call came in this morning, his hear was leaping for joy, as was mine.

I have to say, as of last week after receiving some news that there are huge delays in Ethiopian adoptions and court dates, Martin and I were about 75% sure we were going to give up this whole adoption thing. If for no other reason, this phone call was God's way of saying to us: "Oh no you don't!!". We know that we are not done with this adoption journey - even though the waiting is nearly killing us.

As we head into Christmas, I am really clinging to Mary and how she must have felt as a mother. Her motherhood must have looked NOTHING like she anticipated for her life -pregnant and not yet married, having a baby in a stable, giving birth to God's son, being hunted down by Herod, knowing that this son was hers and yet not, having to give him up and watch him die on the cross.

And yet, never once do you hear of Mary complaining or being anything other than overjoyed knowing that her son is the world's Savior.

Pretty amazing.

Merry Christmas!

So....where to begin, where to begin. Well, we are now #11 on the list. And as CHI closes for TWO WEEKS for Christmas, it does not look like a referral could possibly happen until the end of January, which means no travel to get a baby until March.

So, Martin and I are taking some time to rethink things. We are devastated, grieving, and really do not understand why it has taken over 8 years to try and grow a family. We have experienced so much.

We know in life that at some point, every person carries a burden with them. Ours may be that we cannot have any more children.

It may be hard for most people to understand why we would not just push through - and not to be rude, but I think if you have not been down a similar road, it is hard to understand.

But for now, we are going to concentrate on enjoying Christmas, maybe have some tough conversations with God along the way, but we are certainly looking forward to celebrating the birth of Christ.

Any Day Now

That is what we were told last week. It will happen any day now. So, I am cleaning out the baby's room (which in the interim became storage) and looking into flights to Addis.
I am guardedly thrilled....

#20

We found out we are #20 on the list. And since finding that out, six baby boys and four baby girls have been referred to families. Seems to me we are in a great place and very likely will get a referral by Christmas. It is wierd..this whole adoption process. I have heard people say it is like being pregnant and waiting. Huh. I do not think it is similar one bit. When one is pregnant, there is a due date. So, you mark it with big hearts and circles on your calendar, get those check ups, ultrasounds, etc. You put that first ultrasound pictue up on your fridge. You watch your belly grow, wait for that first kick. There is visual and physical progress. With adoption, there is only patience and the unknown. I cannot buy or borrow baby clothes since I do not know the age this baby will be exactly. I refuse to get the room ready - knowing that there is always a chance Ethiopia could shut their doors to international adoption, or be involved in civil war, etc.

But that is life, isn't it? I think especially lately we are all feeling a bit ansy with the unknown. Will I need to foreclose on my home? Will my job be here tomorrow? How will I afford the holidays?

So as I head into Thanksgiving week, I am choosing to notice and be thankful.

So. It has been almost two years since we started this adoption process. Yesterday, some friends of ours who started the process after us received their referral for a baby boy. Today, our agency alerted six families of their referrals. And here I sit in my bed with an awful cold feeling very sorry for myself.

And the worst part is - I know better! I know better than to sit here wallowing in self-pity as my husband brings me soup, stayed home from work so I could get better, and a daughter always delivering hugs and kisses and patting my arm telling me "you will feel better soon, Mama".

So, it is time to get over myself and choose to once again pray myself beyond this all-American thirty-something sense of entitlement. It is ugly and far more contagious than the cold I've got.

So It Begins...Two years later

Adoption Update:

Well, our dossier officially arrived in Ethiopia on May 2, 2008. We have been told that it takes anywhere from 6 to 10 months before receiving a referral (a picture and medical report of a baby girl 0-12 months who has been chosen for us). Last week we received an update from our adoption agency stating that the longest wait (as of last week) by a family for their referral for a child in the same age bracket as we have requested was 5 1/2 months.

And that is exactly where we are right now...5 1/2 months. So, we are choosing to remain hopeful and get excited about the fact that our referral could come any day now.

In the meantime, our I-600A form (the document from the INS that grants us permission to adopt internationally) expires on Dec. 14th. So, we have asked for an extension and pray that is granted before our this original one expires! Honestly, the paperwork just is never-ending!

We are also applying for financial aid to various wonderful organizations designed for adoptive families such as ours. I am sure with the economic downturn, there will be even more competition for those funds, but we believe there is something out there earmarked just for us! :)

We are getting really excited. I am already starting to clean out the guest room a bit and try to visualize what I would like it to look like for our baby daughter. I got really lucky as I went to a model home blowout sale and got an entire, complete set of Pottery Barn crib bedding for $30! Yeah! It is a baby animal theme in soft beige, yellow and sage green. I am thrilled. It also is a great way to occupy my restless, impatient brain to find something tangible to do.

Another interesting thing. Bella has already begun talking about her baby sister - and has named her. She has chosen a name quite uniquely as we know NO ONE with this particular name! Last week in preschool, the class was asked to draw each member of his/her family. Bella drew Mama, Daddy, Bella, Dakota (dog), and baby sister _________. I could not believe it! She is getting very excited and has already made it clear what she wants her role to be as Mama's helper....some of which will need to be re-defined a bit.

So, this blog will be my cathartic place to muse about this adoptive journey we are on. And if no one reads it (besides those family members I bribe!), then so be it. I look forward to sharing this with my daughters in years to come. That is worth it.