Thursday, September 2, 2010

The Day Has Come

It has been over six years since Bella was born, since our life took a very drastic and unexpected turn. It has been over six years since A Sadness entered my soul, and we have come to co-exist quite peacefully.

So much pain, so much sorrow, so much trauma.

As an adult, we are able to work all of that through. That is one of the perks of being an adult.

For Bella, that is not how it works. Her body, brain, emotions, etc. are not fully developed, and due to the amount of trauma all of the above have been through, so much was repressed.

Lately, Bella has been asking about "what happened to her" - why she takes medicine, why she has this big line down her belly, why she was in the hospital, why so many pokes all the time.

We were warned this day would come, and we received confirmation today by a trauma specialist, that indeed it has. Bella has begun to act out in response to the trauma she experienced.

Bella has begun to work through her trauma, which today alone, resulted in three tantrums.

I am fighting tears as I write this. I admit that I hoped this day would NEVER come. I am not sure I am ready to help my precious Bella work through this trauma. I am nervous that the desire in ME to have a tantrum in response to my daughter's suffering will come out! I am nervous that she will suffer emotional pain and I cannot fix it, make it go away, or take it on myself for her.

So, our family begins a new journey. And what a sense of humor God has in the journey beginning a week before school starts.

But this is what I know.

I have watched with my own two eyes numerous palpable, undeniable examples of God working in the life of Bella, and in my life as a result. I have NO doubt that the God whom I serve, adore, wholeheartedly trust,

has got this.

And I believe He has impeccable timing. I believe that He wants our family to work this through with Bella now for a very specific purpose which may or may not ever be revealed to me.

So, we ask you to join us in prayer in the following:

1. That our "team" can find tangible ways to help Bella help herself.

2. That Martin and I would be united in our parenting and patient, gracious with each other.

3. That Martin and I can get some time to renew ourselves in the midst of the marathon ahead.

4. That through all of it, we can shower Bella with love, patience, being slow to anger or frustration.

5. That Bella would receive deep, lasting emotional healing.

Thank you. We will keep you posted as this leg of the journey continues.


bisgeier said...

thank you Care, for laying this all out and in such clear ways that we can join alongside of you and Martin (and Bella and Abeni). Love you tons!!!

Tracey said...

Carrie, I am late to the game and don't know your daugther's story. Drop me a line and fill me in. I'd love to pray for you.

joah katina said...

You bless my socks off.

Lacey said...

thanks for sharing this. holding you up in prayer. xox

Rob Gilliom said...

Carrie, So well stated. And now so easy for us to stand with you and pray for you all. (I almost said y'all. Maybe I'm almost becoming an Arkie.) -r

Sara Jean said...

Carrie, i will be praying for you, Bella and the whole family. I love that our God is THE God of restoration. And like you I am full of faith that God will restore Bella's heart and emotions. I'm a firm believer that sometimes to be healed completely there is some pain to go through, and where it doesn't make since for a 6 year old to have to do, God's plans and timing are perfect. I am praying!!!!